By James Noonoo, publisher
There once was a former president who suffered from marital problems. He had been caught with his pants down so many times that he created a new clothing style, the half-off, half-on look beloved of hip hoppers.
Only when the bright lights of publicity exposed his tendency to misbehave did he confess. Even then his attempt at first to deny what everyone knew got him into so much trouble that he finally admitted his fault and promised to do better. For his penance, he had not only to keep the wife whose charms he found inadequate, but also to promote her effort to become the mother of her and his country.
This was a bitter pill, but one he swallowed in time, for he had observed how forgiving his country had been to others who had shown repentance for their transgressions. He had studied closely the tears of Jimmy Swaggart, the mock sorrow of Newt Gingrich, and the wax statue of Marion Barry and concluded that America was a forgiving country, one that would take him, a fallen sinner, to her bosom if he showed the slightest effort to redeem himself.
So he did. Indeed he made more than the slightest effort, traveling around the world bringing solace to victims of Mother Nature’s rage, hope to HIV sufferers, and a message of justice for the poor and less sugar for those addicted to soft drinks.
He followed the injunction of St. Paul by becoming all things to all men.
To African Americans he became “the first African-American president.” To the Irish he was Billy Boy. And to lovers of music he was known simply as the Man with the Sax.
On the campaign trail he became the First Advocate, the voice of Hillary’s dark side, ready to smite the opposition with accusations of double talk and deception, of inexperience and insincerity.
One day he visited the land of the Potawatomi Indians. Their business ventures had made them prosperous, so he could not offer them economic relief.
Their health care system was a model for other tribes, so he could not offer to heal them.
Their scholarships were increasing their education, so he could not help them there.
Finally he said, “I don’t want to demean you as a group with talk about Indian Time, but I can help you get some fine Rolex watches to improve your reputation. Think about it. You’ll look great and never be late. And because you’ll always be on time, you’ll be more relaxed. No more embarrassment. No more accusations. No more anger. We have a saying: ‘A watched Pot never boils.’”
But the chief showed Bill his Rolex and said, “We have a saying, too. ‘You can tell which way the wind is blowing by watching the smoke.’”
Moral: If the horse is already dead, more hay will not help it.
4 Comments
Help the Indians? Bill/Hillary Clinton? That’s really funny. None of our presidents has done anything about replacing the millions/billions that the BIA has stolen from Indian tribes. Forget releasing Leonard Peltier! And they continue to rape the land “given” to the Indians whenever they discover resources they want on/in it.
I have no reason to believe that Edwards or Obama or McCain, for that matter, would be any different. Luckily for the Potawatomis, they have Rocky, who just beats them at their own game. The only problem with the benefits the tribe provides is that they are not for spouses, which leaves me in the cold as far as tribal health care is concerned.
I wonder if that is a tribal policy or federal law to restrict spouses.
David asked Rocky and I believe it is tribal policy. We use our Kaiser healthcare in any case because it covers both of us for everything.
In other news, I was very disappointed that Kucinich had to drop out. David already voted for him on his absentee ballot.
Here’s my prediction for the election for what it’s worth. Hillary and McCain will be in a tight race with her possibly winning the popular vote but not the electoral: the race will be decided by Ohio and Florida (in McCain’s favor). Remember, they haven’t fixed the voting rolls or the voting machine mess yet –on purpose.
They BOTH scare me –no end in sight for Iraq or much chance we will get our civil liberties restored anytime in our lifetime.
speaking as a “squaw spouse” I am happy for the help the wattomie-potts have given to my spouse. Not being an object of their largesse is I suppose, a punishment for not feeling guilty about my great-great-grandfathers sins against them or Indians in general. I also do not feel gulty about the treatment of the Nisei during WWII since at ages 0-4 I was more interested in where my next bottle was coming from.
I find it ironic that the Indians and their casinos are doing to the white man what we did to them in times past. It pays for my wife’s medication and also for some caregiver monies which does impact me positively.
Mr. Barrett is a master at finding government funding both for the Indians and for his own enterprises. As long as it is legal, I say
more power to Rocky and any other little pebbles that want to increase my wife’s standard of living and care. You don’t even have to pull a lever nowadays but rather punch a button to fritter away
your hard earned shekels at Firelake Grand Casino.
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