By Charles NouNou, Editor
President Bush will use the last major speech of his second term to apologize for the mess he created during the last seven years.
“The president wants to balance the books on his two administrations. He thinks this will do the job,” said Dana Perino, his press secretary.
Regarding the economy, our advance copy of the speech had this to say. “Well, what are you gonna do? We cut taxes for the rich and what did they do? Spent it on recruiting in India. Who woulda guessed? Anyway, I guess I’m sorry.”
He even has something to say about the flimsy and untruthful excuses he offered for the Iraq war. “So you got me. Big deal. At least the reasons I gave got me elected to a second term. When did you ever pull off anything that big?”
During the speech, the president will introduce a group of quadriplegic veterans of Iraq. He plans to apologize to each one and tell how he was wounded. In what he thinks will offset the gruesome display, he will jokingly challenge them to give him a salute.
As for the loss of civil rights by ordinary citizens, he will say, “I’m sorry, but it’s for your own good. I know I went kinda far, but then being watched and having your messages spied on isn’t so bad. That’s what we mean by ‘an open society.’”
And to those who have lost their jobs and had their mortgages foreclosed, he plans to deny all responsibility. “That was just rotten luck. That and a few bad apples in the business community. Instead of whining, I recommend you get a job and rebuild your credit. That’s what I did.”
Finally, he will apologize for stealing the election in the first place.
At this point, the editor of this journal woke up with a pain in his ankle. It seems his cat was sleeping on his feet.
One Comment
Well Charles, you did me one better, I didn’t even watch. I didn’t want to break out the pepto dismal just before bedtime.
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