The New News Gazette and Times Clarion

By James Noonoo, publisher

When Barack Obama spoke to a crowd in Dallas on Wednesday, he paused in mid-speech to blow his nose. The crowd cheered enthusiastically.

Hillary Clinton has been unable to attract crowds of similar size and has scored points only by getting teary-eyed on camera and by cozying up to Obama in their latest debate.

The shift of position in the horse race has not been lost on Barack. “If I can get cheers just by blowing my nose, maybe Hillary is putting too much emphasis on my supposed eloquence,” said the Illinois senator.

“She should take a lesson from this. In the middle of her next speech, I want to see her pull out a lady-sized hanky and give it a good honk or two.”

Clinton advisers commented that she would not be blowing or picking her nose in public any time soon. “Our strategy is to keep hitting Barack with the charge of being all hat and no cattle, and of using other people’s words in his speech.”

Obama countered by saying, “She could make it look real natural. Start out talking about how honored she is to be opposing me. Segue into how she has had to deal with the stress of campaigning. At this point the faucets should start to leak a little. That’s OK. Let them. That way, pulling out the hanky will look genuine and expected. Dab the eyes a little, keep talking, then pause to rip off a quick blast. A few flutters of the eyelashes as she pockets the hanky will finish it off with just the right touch. If that doesn’t bring down the house, then she is in more trouble than she thinks. No matter what the audience reaction, she’ll have to admit I was first to toot the old bugle in public.”

In other news, Senator John McCain has denied having an inappropriate relationship with lobbyist Vicki Iseman. “I really didn’t have time for that stuff. I was busy taking on the special interests.”